It all came down to this...

It was exactly one year ago today...I ran in my first ever organized race, the St. George 5k.  This was a picture taken just after we had finished.  I remember being so nervous about running in it.  It was a last minute decision. And one I'm glad I made.

You see, it was probably just after this race that I decided I needed to change some things.  I was not happy with the way I looked.  I hated looking in the mirror and avoided it whenever possible.  I'm not sure when exactly it clicked, but I finally decided I needed to do something about it.  I'd tried several times in the past to start exercising and eat better, but it always fizzled out.

Always.

So I decided to join Weight Watchers.  Making this decision and going to that first meeting and weigh in was a huge eye opener for me.  I'd been in such denial about my weight, always thinking it wasn't really as bad as I'd perceived it to be. But it was. And I wanted to change it.

And I did.

It took me probably about 6 months of ups and downs, frustrations, and successes that finally got me to a place where I was really, truly happy with myself.  I learned a lot about myself last year, and I decided I needed to begin the new year with a goal.

To run the St. George Half Marathon. The exact same race and the exact same day that I began my previous year with, only this time instead of 3.2 miles, I was going 13.1.  Once I registered, just a week and a half ago, it all began real. Very Real. I felt extremely unprepared, although I'd been running pretty consistently for awhile.  The farthest I'd ever run was 8.5 miles.  But there was no going back. Curtis had plans to run with me, but his knee was giving him problems and he realized he couldn't do it. I wanted to back out. How on earth would I be able to do this without him by my side?

Every major trial or struggle over the past 8+ years has been with him by my side.  Being the positive, upbeat motivator that got me through it.  And now I was on my own for this one.  I was anxious, and scared and doubtful.  I knew I could physically do it, but I had trouble believing I'd get through it mentally. I've never been my biggest cheerleader, I usually think the worst, doubting and second guessing myself constantly.

This morning I woke up nervous and just before the sun had come up completely. When I looked outside, I almost started crying. It was raining.  Really?!  Rain? Now?  Unbelievable!

Curtis and the kids drove me to the start line, wished me luck, and off I went.  Ipod charged, playlist full of new motivating songs, and a goal....don't stop, no matter what.

The gun went off, I hit play and slowly began walking, waiting to cross the start and begin my journey.  I saw my family, waving me off and cheering me on.  Just the boost I needed.

I settled in to a steady pace, with my eye on my pacer ahead. The rain had stopped which actually made for nice running conditions.  

At mile 5, I saw Curtis.  He said he'd be cheering me on the whole way, and he was.  The kids were screaming and cheering from the car, waving excitedly!  I was actually doing this! And I felt great! It was a steady incline for the next few miles, and it happened to be not nearly as hard as I had anticipated. On my way toward the river path, I was greeted again by my awesome husband! Mile 7....

What a great feeling it was, being surrounded by so many people, all different shapes and sizes, ages and ethnicity, just running.

 

Mile 11...I was on the home stretch and still feeling pretty good.  I saw the end in sight.  Mentally, I think I let myself start feeling the fatigue, I knew I was almost done. Almost, but not quite.

Once I got to the last 200 yards and saw the finish line, my emotions were high.  I was choked up a little. I couldn't believe I was almost finished, and making great time no less.  I ran, as fast as I could.  I saw Taylor, then just past her was Curtis. I called out to him (apparently Boston had run off and he was trying to corral kids as I was about to cross the finish line), waved, and finished with all I had left in me!  I thought I'd be in tears, balling, but at that point I was just happy it was over, especially since the rain had started again and it was coming down pretty hard.  Then I saw Curtis, and I cried! He was proud of me and I could tell. And that is a good feeling! 

Yes, my eyes are closed....he doesn't claim to be the best photographer, but he definitely proved I ran...and finished!

Me. Wet, Tired, and happy. 

So one year later, 37 lbs lighter, and a desire to do it all for me, I ran the St. George Half Marathon and finished in 2:03:10.  

I did it for me. And only me.  To prove to myself I had what it took, that I'd come so far, and I deserved to cross that finish line that represented so much more to me than just the ending to a race.

My biggest fan. Well, he's not so big anymore, but you know what I mean! This man is more to me than words in print could express.  His belief in me pushed me.  All. The. Way. To. The. End.

I'm proud to call him mine. But more importantly, I'm proud of me.

"The secret to endurance would have to be simply not indulging in the desire to stop"  

(Quote from a woman Marianne with MS who ran the St. George marathon last year.)

Oh, and you can bet I'll be doing this again.