To Be Better.....

That is my goal, to be better...at everything I strive to do. Be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, homemaker...etc. I'm sure we've all had those days spent referree-ing our bickering kids, cleaning up breakfast dishes at noon only to clean up lunch dishes before dinner. Changing countless diapers, cleaning up spilled juice and cereal off my newly vacuumed floor. Trying to get kids dressed and ready for the day and hoping to spare a few minute to do the same for myself. Spending most of naptime trying to get my 3 yr old to take a nap and when she finally gives in...her brother wakes up. Making sure dinner gets fixed before hubby gets home, only to be slightly peeved when he shows up later than he originally said, and by that point having no patience left to cut him any slack. Then you look around and wonder to yourself "does anyone even notice" I've had one of those weeks, when you begin to feel slightly unappreciated for all that you do.

Saturday was the day that it all finally boiled over. I'd had it and I let everyone, especially Curtis, know it. I was a mess and went on an on about how I felt like all I did wasn't enough and that I didn't feel like my family was grateful. This turned into an afternoon "discussion" about things that bothered me about Curt and his job, which ulitmately led to things I realize I, myself, must do better in order to keep peace in our home. So, we made up and both promised to do our parts better, while helping the other do theirs.

Sunday came and we vowed to be at church on time (even though church is at 11 and it should be easy.) We did it, sat down right before the prelude music stopped...and then suddenly our children turned on us. Boston insisted on climbing on the pew in front of us after we repeatedly told him no. Taylor refused to sit quiet and still after seeing her brother up and about. I was anxious feeling all the elderly people in our ward stare and wonder why we couldnt keep our kids quiet. After one bonk on the head, a trip to the car for timeout, and countless snacks, sacrament was over! Hallelujah! Taylor was off to primary and we were off to Sunday School. That is, until Boston decided he didnt want to sit still yet again and began complaining (only a couple more weeks till nursery!) Feeling the stares, I volunteered to take him out which ended up in a drive around time to get him to sleep..and he did about 10 minutes before Relief Society started. So goes life with young kids, but we were there and Curtis learned something we both need to hear in Sunday School....which leads me to my point, to be better. The lesson was on a revelation given to Emma Smith about her responsibilities to her husband....stop. I knew where this was going and I knew it was intended for me...even though I wasnt technically there. Here's the quote for me....

"The Prophet Joseph Smith taught wives that they should treat their husbands "with mildness and affection. When man is borne down with trouble, when he is perplexed with care and difficulty,"

Now here's the kicker for me,

"If he can meet a smile instead of an argument or a murmur,-if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul and soothe his feelings"

I get it now. He has a responsibility to provide for our family and I am in no way helping him achieve that if he comes home and I'm upset because he's late. It only adds to the tension and does not make for an inviting home. I will be better and supporting him and realizing that I am blessed to have him home as much as he is.

There is more. Now for the husbands, which I am so glad Curtis shared with me.

"The Prophet taught husbands, It is the duty of a husband to love, cherish and nourish his wife, and cleave unto her and none else; he ought to honor her as himself and he ought to regard her feelings with tenderness."

My afternoon of venting summed up in one short paragraph. We had a lovely dinner, and I enjoyed Curtis reading the section in D&C that this lesson came from. And so begins my efforts to be a better wife, and mother. And doing it, not for the praise, but because it is my responsibilty and I want to. I want to be better and journaling everyday life, because that is what brings those small moments of pure joy and happiness. I need to look closer at my kids and enjoy those moments I have with them, and I need to be responsible for keeping my home a haven from the world. A place where the worries can be forgotten, if just for a short time, and people are free to love with all their might.

And so my journey to becoming better begins.........