Consistently Consistent...

In the past couple weeks, have had a few people ask the one question, in various forms, that I myself was always curious about before I began my weight loss journey; What is your secret? To running, to losing weight....

Funny thing now is, I realize it's no secret at all. There's no one sure way to be successful and there's no magic remedy to make it all work. I wish there was, of course, but there is not.  I used to wish that in life, you had the chance to use an "easy" button, just once, to make the weight just go away.

For me, it was starting weight watchers.  After that first week losing 5 lbs, I was hooked.  I saw results fast and I knew it was achievable. I knew each week, I'd be weighing in in front of someone and that held me accountable and kept me on track. Of course, I also started exercising. Something I've done throughout life but never consistently, at least since college.

So now when people ask my secret to running or weight loss, my answer is this: consistency.  It is not easy, now or ever.  I'm one that will always have to work hard to lose weight and to keep it off.  I know that I have to work out 5-6 times a week just to stay in a routine.  People joke that when they see me, I'm usually in workout close, and if its in the evening, its probably true. I HAVE to do it. I don't give myself a choice, I just do it.  And its hard.  Curtis works a lot more hours now which means sometimes he gets home, and I leave to run and then I get home and he leaves to run and by the time we are both done, we are pretty much asleep. Its a sacrifice every day.  But it's also rewarding. Its time to myself, to let my thoughts run wild, to release any stress I may have and to feel truly good about myself when its all said and done.

Tonight, I opted for the gym since it was windy and I do not enjoy running in the wind.  I had my music up loud, really loud. I like drowning out any other noises and being alone with my thoughts and music. Sometimes, a song comes on and I'm moved by it, like goosebumps on the arms, push myself even harder when the words I just heard pierce something inside of me. A song by Carrie Underwood came on, one about a breakup or loss I believe, but I suddenly saw it relating to my life and my changes and journey.

...But when you're standing at a crossroad,

theres a choice you gotta make.

 I guess its gonna have to hurt,

I guess I'm gonna have to cry,

And let go of some things I've loved

to get to the other side.

I guess its gonna break me done,

like falling when you're trying to fly,

Its sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,

starts with goodbye.

I'll admit, that I got teary eyed as I listened to those words and related them to my life. It has not been an easy journey, changing my lifestyle. I have hurt and cried and gave up on things that I enjoyed knowing it would all be worth it. I've only recently come to accept and be happy with myself regardless of what the number on the scale says.  I never realized how liberating it would actually be.  I'm in better shape than I've ever been, and happier too.

It's a mental battle each day, between the way I feel or how I perceive myself and what actually is.  I want more kids. I'm secretly terrified of the weight I will inevitably gain when we decide to add another baby to the mix.  I know I'm in a different state now that with any of my past pregnancies and that I'll just need to continue doing what I do now when I decided to get pregnant.  This is in no way an announcement of any sort, by the way, but I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for it. And that may just take awhile:)

Its a constant battle and will probably always be, but rather than giving up, I choose to work at it...consistently.